Saturday, July 14, 2012

Blake poem

Remember when I was keeping a running list of random words that popped in my head? LOL of course not. I do believe I did that on my now defunct Mary blog. Mental or mental health. Words still pop in but not like they used to nondescript voice usually. Have recently heard a voice or two or that strange metallic sound soon after I lay me down to sleep.

The voice saying my name causes fright. Like a witches voice. Scratch that. An evil sounding voice. Just scares me. Go away, I say aloud at times. If I had a bed with end table, might keep paper and pen handy to record this stuff. Did the scary voice arrive after Chris moved back into the building? The metallic sound? The pulsatile tinnitus ear noise? Just out of the ear noise. Anyway...

Reading a book, these words came to mind:

Like there's this Blake poem, into this dangerous world I leapt, heaping, naked, pipping loud, like a fiend hid in a cloud.

I recorded it so I would not forget, then continued reading. I also wrote "My father used to say (there's this Blake poem...).

I no longer remember where I read those words; what book. Richard Wright? James Baldwin? Perhaps I liked it due to "dangerous world" ~ leaping into being, bawling. Why, I wonder, did this suddenly show up in my mind of its own accord.

Another recurring word is Tennerali.  I used to be able to spell my brother's friend's last name. Now I am not even sure what his first name was. Is? The boys often referred to each other by surname; Tizzano, Pakela, Donato, Mariano. No face comes to mind when his name pops into my head. Over and over and over again. And again, why?

I started thinking, okay, Rich, get outta my head; okay, I have my mother's pants on, best ditch them, maybe Richard's spirit attacked itself to them. I am not sure pants are the correct word. Two legs means pants right, versus no legs means skirt or dress. I use them like pajama bottoms. Elastic waist, two pockets, can not say with certainty, Velour. They are so worn now, I stopped wearing them for a walk to the store or library. Developing holes in the rear end.

Loved those pants when living on streets. Pulled them up over the jeans which were over the too thin thermal pants and sometimes layered once more with sweatpants. I would wake in the morning ~ or wee hours of the day ~ be able to pull off my mother's easy-on pants, jeans clean. Layering was for heat or to try and stay warm.

Strange. Did a web search and Google gives me a list ~ obits. I checked one out. Need to pay big bucks to restore it. I had glanced at dates, this one, was May 2012. Although I added New Brunswick to my search, the Guest Book was provided by Los Angeles Times. Went back to Google search to check out the other obits, and they are gone. Google keeps telling me "no results" even though they just gave me a bunch of results. WTH?

It seems to me when we use the back arrow we go to previously viewed page. So where is it? Using History links just gives me the same "no results" page. Sigh.

The Guest Book was for a Frank, spelling may have been different. The other ~ the one I could not get back was for an Anthony. Frank seems to be the correct name or the name of the once a boy now a senior citizen that hung 'round with my brother. Maybe I will locate him doing a Facebook search. Maybe his name will stop showing up in my head for no apparent reason.

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