Letting Go of Emotions

Oh I am quite sure I am afraid of letting go of emotions, I might do something that would land me in jail, like kill the neighbor lives across from me. Even though it has only been a couple or few weeks since the big blow up with his friend Bill, and the manager telling him that Bill is no longer allowed on premises, Bill has been here 3 times this past week.

I could not believe it when I heard Bill's voice. Did not get up and go look outside to verify that it was indeed Bill, not someone who talks just like him ~ besides, I thought, maybe he is only at the gate, as loud as he and Chris talk, it was possible that he was not inside, just sounding like he was outside my door. Today, Saturday , April 2, AM, I did get right up, just in time to see the back of Bill's head and backpack as he entered Chris' apartment behind him.

I probably should have called manager. Manager could come downstairs, knock on Chris' door and catch him with Bill inside. Otherwise it is my word against Chris'. Yet I am loathe to call the manager, got knots in my stomach. Ended up writing a note to enclose with the rent instead of calling. I am already stressed waiting upon manager to pick up the checks, read it, and hopefully call not knock on my door.

"...a tendency to hold in and keep your feelings to yourself." Well, yeah, the manager's attitude the first time I called him about club volume music all hours of the day and night from other troublesome neighbor, was "its not even late" as if I was wrong for requesting he enforce the rules. Yet my poor friend gets an earful about my feelings whenever I write her a letter, about my feelings in regards to the neighbors as well as other issues.

The thing is, I guess, "if you are mad at A is B & C the first people to hear about it?" ~ that is, I am not expressing my feelings to neighbor Chris, nor John ~ oh, but I have in the past, as if they care, they do not, so why bother. Whatever, dreams are just dreams and the feces dream may not have anything to do with Chris, Bill and John.