Body Feels Good

What a difference it makes when Chris is not talking. One of the reasons I can not go to sleep is that tightness in the middle of my chest, a squeezing sensation, as if some one has a hold of my heart. My body feels good tonight (Still Friday). Relaxed even, no agitation.

My eyes will be so heavy with sleep I can barely see, yet I search the web for things to do, hoping I can calm down. Did you ever go to a lecture, listen to a speech? (Who am I asking, no one reads this, ho, ho) I do not think they last more than two hours of straight listening. Then there are breaks. And if a speaker does not have a mike, the people in front may find his voice loud, it has to be to reach the audience in back rows.

This is not an auditorium, yet I am subjected to listening to Chris' endless talking on a daily basis. I no longer work in an office where there is a constant ringing of telephones and co-workers conversations, which are a lot softer voiced than Chris' and Bill's. I was so relieved when Bill was evicted and yet I hear his voice almost everyday, sometimes as early as 6:18AM yelling messages on Chris's answering machine. I hear his voice along with Chris' during their telephone calls. Not as loud as Chris' but I do not think I should be hearing the voice on other end of Chris' line at all.

So it is 1:38AM, Doug lowers the volume and I was wrong. John never turned his TV off, the drone is still there, I just did not hear it over, or is that under, Doug's noise? No wonder I am going insane, I may not have heard John's ping, pang, ping, PANG, ping, pang, pang, pang pang, but I was hearing it along with Doug's, just not aware of it.

Sometimes when Chris' goes to sleep and Doug's TV/Stereo is not coming through my walls, I will open my door to get some air. Quickly close it, because now I can hear Chris' TV which he leaves on all night. Bad enough I have to see his fat butt, okay, maybe it is not fat, I'm just saying, laying in bed because he refuses to turn off his lights...

I have fallen asleep in a room with television on and people talking ~ if I was lying on a couch or the floor. Sleeping in shelters, I learned to fall to sleep with conversations swirling around about me and TV blaring. So why is it that low drone drives me right up a wall?

I remember waking at 3AM in the shelters, unable to fall back to sleep, not being allowed to leave, thinking it was the sudden silence that woke me. I do not want to go back to living on the streets. I doubt I could handle a winter shelter again, nor dodging cops or tour guides just to find a place to sleep.

I am stuck. I think back to when I moved to this building, how I could not wait to get out of the one on Magnolia Avenue. Did I ask about the neighbors?