Bliss of Growth, Glory of Action

“Look well to this day, for it is life, the very life of life. In it lies all the realities and verities of existence: the bliss of growth, the glory of action, splendor of beauty. For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow only a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day, for it and it alone is life! Such is the salutation of the dawn.” Sanskrit

During that marriage from hell, I started collecting quotes. I would reread them often. Magnetic photo albums were on sale~could that be~2 for a dollar? I do know they normally cost a buck and a buck is easy to spend. I started pasting the quotes in those albums. I can still picture the first page of the first one. As time progressed, I realized they were journals of my life. That first page was all about dealing with him. Without looking it up, "Some tangles in life are so hopeless, the only thing you can do is laugh".

The piece from the Sanskrit was one of my favorites. It taught me a way to live. I miss those days. I also miss my journals. Nephew's wife through them in the trash....

....Shad and I were out the other day; as he drove past Cherry and PCH, my mind drifted back to the Monterey hotel....

I spent 6 weeks there, before finding my apartment on Elm Ave. The nephew and wife were fighting. A bad scene~up all night~night and she told me to leave. She said, I would stick up for him. Story there, for the Mary site, not here. When I asked my daughter to mail my pre-packed suitcases, she re-packed them. The package that arrived first at my nephew's had my journals.

I blamed myself for putting off calling Lila to see if the package had arrived when Dawn said it was to be there (according to Post Office). When I did call a few days later, my little nephew answered the phone. We chatted and he said: Mom throw your stuff out. She say she no want Aunt Mary junk. When he put mom on the phone, she said the package came. She thought it was for her husband and opened it. Said there was an empty suitcase.

When I went to pick the empty suitcase up, she did have some of the other things my daughter packed around the apartment. I called my daughter, hoping against all hope...

....Lila insisted my daughter had lied: suitcase empty. Dawn said, oh, maybe I did not send them. Why, I do not know. Little Steven told the truth. My heart broke in 1/2. All that I did for that woman. Days of my life, sacrificed to help her in her time of need...

6 months, I thought and I will be out of that horrid apartment on Elm Ave. The countdown began as I re-established myself in Long Beach. I was happy. I decided not to move at the end of Dec. And the rest, as theysay, is history.

The Monterey. Sigh.

To make every yesterday a dream of happiness...

...that is how I was living. Today I am not living anymore. Not creating tomorrow happy dreams of today. No visions of hope for tomorrow.