Anger

"Anger over unfairness is wasted." Think that is how the quote goes; may still have it copied somewhere around here.

I wake up every day in a bad mood and go to sleep in an angry mood. I think of man born without arms and legs. He is happy. Was not always thus; came to terms with his disability and lives his life to the fullest. Amazing man.

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

Can not change the past; can not fix it; stuck with life as it is. Spending the rest of my life living across from Chris; next door to John and, I guess baby will grow up and stop crying so much for such long periods of time.

"What's wrong with you, Mary? I am enjoying my life, that is what you should be doing," the arse Jet said to me a few years ago. Killer rage. Those words haunt me when I am listening to the low drone of neighbors televisions or thumping of stereo at midnight when I long for sleep.

I want to say this is the worst apartment complex I have ever lived. Not sure if that is true. Elm Street was pretty wicked. Crack users, Ms. Marion home late from church all full of the spirit doing her dancing for the lord at midnight, vibrating my floor. Vickie and man's fights, cops. Loud people riffling through dumpsters in the middle of the night. Counting down days until I could move. Hello the lying arse and goodbye my future as planned.

"I'm content," I said when he asked during a phone call, summer 2001; said he could not concentrate on his job. Said: "I am working on my jealous heart." He was not just whistling Dixie; I misunderstood or did not know the extent of his jealousy. Jealous because I had an apartment? A cell phone? Four day visit? Still in California, enjoying his life. Had I but known...

No sense letting my mind wander back there or down those roads ~ more than one person disrupted my life with their agenda ~ at midnight. Turn on Windows Media Player Sleep playlist...