Can Not Think

Because I am agitated, I can not think clearly. Lots of stuff to do; lots of homeless thoughts that come to mind, all lost somewhere in my mind at the moment.

Why does it bother me so much that a neighbor leaves his door open day and night? Well, before he moved into the building, I would open my door to let sunshine and fresh air inside on nice days. Some days I would take a chair outside to read in sunshine. Some days I would sit in front of door to read ~ without the drug store reading glasses on. My vision has gotten really poor ~ such a dark apartment, not being able to open front blinds and or door to let sunshine inside ~ when the sun is shining.

If he left his door open 24/7, but kept the volume of his TV and voice down, I am sure it would not disturb my peace of mind very much. It is like a drop of water, enough of them together, can wreck havoc, floods, tsunami waves.The second I hear his voice all those prior drops of water come flooding to mind.

I decided to give what I get. Why should I have to be forced to keep my door shut? I have been opening it, not fully, just cracked, playing radio a bit loud. Usually I have been playing it loud enough so I no longer hear his voice, put it in front of my closed door, with pillow over it, sometimes add earplugs. So today I had door cracked when he arrived home, listened to him tell a caller "Call me back (or I will call you back) I am on my pay phone". He was being especially loud ~ why not, sitting on his couch placed so close to the door, he will not be able to shut door without moving the couch corner.

I kept increasing volume until it was as loud as it could go, still could here Mouth, so added earplugs. Of course that is when manager decides to knock on door. I was ready for that, "well that is how we live in this complex..." but that was not why he was here. He wanted to tell me to call him if I ever see Bill here again. I lowered radio, hope manager saw my earplugs, wish he had asked about my too, too loud music. Perhaps it is the embarrassment, that caused the sobbing to start. I can not take this anymore.