Serentity

The Serenity Prayer

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen." --Reinhold Niebuhr

Holidays or Holy Days always bring memories of home and childhood. The Serenity Prayer was a favorite of my father. I do miss those days when I knew what could not be changed and was changing what I could. Over a year has passed and nowhere near the goal to return my life to the way it was when I went to sleep 12/27/2001. That is the impossible dream.

I know we can never change the past, only our perception of it. That is why I was so adamant about making my own choices. To have control over the direction of one's life ripped away by a supposed friend has left me in a future not of my choosing. Do not want to go down that thought path~leads to that uncontrollable rage.

My friend, BJ emails asking why I am not posting. Just busy with other forms of escapism so I will not think~to keep that wild anger at bay. The darn internet browsers take away my peace~which I have posted about here and there. Yesterday I had 57 emails and 90 spams. That does not include the spam that gets sent to trash due to my filters. Much of the email is new forwards from new people. The internet calls them "friends".

"A stranger is a friend you have not met yet" author unknown

BJ is one of those friends who accepts me with all my warts. She does not lecture me about stuff like religion, of which I very grateful. We have never had an argument over music, although our tastes are very different. Might say likewise about fashion or decorating styles. I always loved her style and home furnishings; even though my own style is a bit different. Some of the new friends are like that; accepting, others are not. It seems the more people we have in our lives, the more peace goes away. Most of these new people do not know my homeless story or where I am today.

I am invited to a $50. (or was it $100.) fund raising concert at a local popular brewery. Even if I had that type of cash available, my appearance would change the way they view me. I know that about them; they do not know that about me. It leads to a depression of my life before 12/27/2001. When I could comfortably join groups and pay my own way. So that I would rather not have online friends, causing my mood to fluctuate from anger to depression.

What I have been doing is cleaning up my message boxes at various places, such as Associated Content. Anger did motivate me to write a few more articles and that distracted me from writing a really good Women's History Month "swan song" one. My plans for my writing at AC were much different when I began. I did not realize I would have to get my own readers and that experience was rather typical of any endeavor I have had in life. I hate begging. True friends, it seems to me, would not need coaxing to help me on building readership. I am babbling here with no clear direction in mind.

Just wanted to post something, so BJ will know where I am today.