Scaredy-cat, continued

There used to be two benches at bottom of stairs shown in next post. A homeless cat, Kevin, sometimes slept on one of them. Actually, any number of homeless people claimed a bench as a bed right up until the time city removed them. If I were going to sunbathe after a skate, I would sit on one of those benches to remove skates. Or I would sit on one of them, to rest before heading back up the stairs.

I used to treat myself to breakfast at the Long Beach Cafe. They gave me enough home fries for three or four meals. Unbelievable. Knowing I was bound to see Kevin, I would separate my breakfast, specifically to save some for him, untouched by my fork after eating. Kevin was not always at the beach; often saw him en-route to downtown, most likely heading to the library.

One morning Kevin was so cold he was shivering. He had on a long overcoat. It was hot. I wondered if he had the shakes from lack of alcohol. He said he could not get warm. Was not until I was homeless myself, that I understood why anyone would be wearing heavy coats when the sun was shining and temperatures over 70 degrees. I happened to have a $5.00 bill in my jeans pocket; gave it to Kevin telling him to get a bottle to warm up.

Did not see Kevin very often when I called the streets my home. Although he was born and grew up in Long Beach, he told me he "...just got back from L.A." Wonder if he is still among the living.

Scaredy-cat. Even back in those days when I had share change to help the homeless, I was having falling over backwards issues. Mainly when visiting Universal Studios. I could not use those long esculators to get to a higher level ground. I would run up the steps, hanging on to the railing for dear life. I actually had panic attacks on those esculators ~ at airport ones also. My heart would be pounding, clutching the padded railing, praying I would reach the top soon.

I guess what I am feeling is the pull of gravity. Yet, an entire lifetime, never had issue with esculators or long, steep staircases. My last homeless backpack was likely half as tall as myself. Sideview: two of me made one of it. I had no issue walking down those steps ~ and the many others like them ~ but issues walking up them. I would take the backpack off and carry it, which was tricky, also carrying my ever present coffee travel mug, and trying to cling to railing for support.

Last time I was at these steps I had to lecture myself: Any act of avoidance based on fear, will only increase the fear. author unknown And: The journey of a lifetime begins with a single step.

Hate being a scaredy-cat. I really do.