Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Past Results

...past results are no guarantee of future performance.

The thought crossed my mind: "You made it this long, you can make it another month." That was quickly followed by: "That is exactly what you thought in November 2001." And look how that turned out.
But, my mind continued thinking, that was different. I had a job. I had savings. I was double paying down credit card debt. Had perfect rental history in Long Beach. I was re-establishing myself here after a year on the east coast.

How that happened: car died, needed car for my job and blah, blah, blah. But the downward spiral actually began summer of '98, the misdiagnosis ~ head injury, or severe PTSD symptoms. Who is to know, now, the nurse sent me home from hospital to "take 3 days off (from work) and call if you need Valium." Job Stress? My arse.

Anyway, I am thinking of extending my time in this apartment by another month. I have made so many mistakes thinking I was making well thought out decisions, I am afraid to do that again. Once we choose a road, can never go back and see how things would have turned out taken the other one.

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Easy in retrospect, but undo-able in reality. This bites. I just realized my planned departure date is Easter Sunday. Having a hard time with Greyhound bus website. Keeps giving me a white blank page telling me to "come back later" or that the website can not be found on this server ~ even though I was on this website a minute ago.

When I had access, the dates I plugged in as potential travel dates, there was no mention of Easter or holiday rates. The Motel 6's I checked out in Phoenix, likewise did not mention any holiday rates. I was considering taking the bus there from here on Sunday, staying at a motel for 5 days then continuing on my trip back east to visit family.

Would like to revisit places where I spent homeless days in the city. Relive the past or something like that. Yet I think about my walking issues that I did not have back then. What to do? What to do? Head straight for NJ/PA? Then what?

Decisions, decisions. Looking at predicted temperatures, April is likely to be nice and hot in Phoenix, but not so much in NJ/PA. Nor in Long Beach! Will I be able to tolerate sleeping on a bus; or train? Who knows. It bothers me, so start thinking not  a good plan. Maybe it is better to stay put for the time being ~ but...

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