Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Anne's Red Flag Abuser & Victim List

From Anne's Red Flag Abuser & Victim List
(click on title to view entire list)

Manipulates others to achieve their goals.

Uses guilt trips.
Does things that are dishonest or illegal.
Attempts to coerce you into doing things that make you uncomfortable.
Threatens suicide or homicide if you don't cooperate with them.
Lectures you endlessly until you agree.

Doug looked so dejected when I finally got it through his numskull brain that I did not want his booze, that I felt bad (or guilty). Which is why next time he tried to force a gift upon me that I did not want, I simply accepted it.

Is it not funny how we can turn ourselves into victims. We teach people how they can (mis)treat us, and there I go again. Other than smoking pot prior to getting his medical marijuana license, I do not know much about Doug doing illegal or dishonest things.

Mike told me the other day that Doug said, "Now I can kill someone" (because he has a med pot license). One of the loud startling noises coming from John's apartment,  I learned later was Doug's attack which knocked John off his chair. I do not remember what Doug told me about his violence against his father starting when he was a teen.

I actually allowed a person like that to suck me into his drama, con, manipulative behavior? I am still angry ~ at myself.

One of the evenings when I allowed him to come inside my apartment (because I made the mistake of accepting his booze, and felt, well, whatever I felt, that it would be rude not to? Who knows.) I said I was thinking of playing the lottery. Hello lecture on gambling addictions. I was angry ~ not his effing business if I want to blow a buck or ten on lottery tickets.

Another evening, he whines that none of his friends told him he needed to take a shower, change his  clothes, then told me that I have to tell him when I see him going downhill. I explained that was not my personality. Getting madder by the minute as he continues to demand that I do so. I finally agree and tell him "You need to shave."

If I was not in control of my sarcastic self, I might have been honest: You always look dirty to me, so how could I tell you needed to shower or change your clothes. Wish that I had, but not too much ~ hello potential outburst or confrontation.

I would not have termed it lecturing, yet I was, um, coerced into agreeing to get him to shut up?

He did not mention suicide, just depression due to pancreatic cancer. Poor, poor pitiful me. If my personality was different I might have asked him whose fault it was that he abused his body and now suffers the price for it.

Mike told me the other day how Doug calls his social worker Tammy up and cries that he has not eaten in three days. Then Tammy comes over and takes him out to lunch. Yikes, Doug fed me that same line. He showed up one evening or afternoon when I was eating. Polite to offer guests food, rude to eat in front of them. I offered. Plus I did not like the casserole that was supposed to be soup.

I was glad to give him a huge plate of it to take home. When he showed up yet another time, I offered the rest of it to him ~ I was going to throw it out. I did not mind feeding him. What I minded was how he interrupted me when I started to explain why I was throwing it out, and his excited, nasty tone of voice, lecture that it is wrong, chicken is not high in cholesterol.

I hate know-it-alls who happen to be wrong. Another of Anne's red flags: Considers their own logic or intellect to be superior to all others. After listening him to prattle on about white meat, I not so patiently explained that I only like dark meat and devour skin. Maybe if I were interested in a friendship with Doug, he is learning something about me.

But I am most definitely not interested in pursing a friendship with anyone who thinks I do not know a bit about stuff of life.

Then there was the lecture about not telling any of the neighbors that he has medical marijuana license, someone might try to rob him, "I trust you, Mary," he repeats several times. All drama queen, almost hysterical womanish. Who am I going to tell, I wonder, John? John is someone not to be trusted. Yet I am willing to bet a lot of money that Doug already told John.

Back in January when John was going to move he said he was going to keep his keys so he could come back. I did not hear him say "to rob people" but thought that might have been what he said. Mike told me he heard John say it. And, Mike, continued that he would rob Doug, because Chris told John where Doug keeps his safe behind the door.

I do not know anyone who lives in this neighborhood ~ only the arses who live in our building. Who would I tell? Except the few people who read my blog. As they say, Payback's a bitch, revenge is a motherfucker.

There is more, but that is enough venting or ranting & raving. I do believe I learned my lesson, and am prepared to deal with either Phil or Doug should they be stupid enough to knock on my door again.

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