Monday, April 09, 2012

Overcome fear

Ever since the day I saw the human size pit bull hanging out the van window, I have stopped walking up the alley. They used to call me paranoid...I think that is the lyric from the Billy Joel song...can not handle pressure. I wonder if I had normal, respectful neighbors and could choose my own bed time, be free of sudden loud noises daily, if I would allow the fear of 2.3 second pit bull to rule my behavior.

I need to overcome that fear, so I can take another picture, hopefully clearer than the ground to top of fence shot I posted. I was already nervous walking past that fence before they posted the warning, which I did not need to feed my paranoia. There are other unseen dogs yapping as I walk by. There is a lot with 6 or 8 small houses on it. I specifically counted roofs the last time I walked by, thinking about Trayvon Martin and suspicious people looking around, walking slow.

I did not just slow down, I stopped as I counted, contemplating taking a photo, although I no longer recall why I wanted to take one. I guess the small homes could be called bungalows, like from the Jersey shore; common in Long Beach; land owner getting the most for his (her) money. Do not know if they are rentals or individually owned.

2.3 second pit bull lives in building north of that lot ~ may live in the bungalow closed to alley or there may be another house invisible to eye. There is a low fence along the lot, with a metal gate that is often unlatched, swinging in the wind. I often cautiously close it. More low fence, than higher fence, blocking view, then tall apartment building. I believe the smaller barking dogs live in the last bungalow next to alley (versus first fronting on Coronado Avenue) across from the one where 2.3 second might live.

I have dealt with that nervousness that one of those dogs would come charging out to the alley due to unlatched gate. I think, however, they are fenced in behind the building. Thinking that does not ease my caution or nervousness.

Pre-John moving in next door, I often left my building by the front gate behind my apartment. Then John skewered his blinds and I became self-conscious about him being able to see me, knowing I was leaving the building, so I started using the alley gate exclusively, even if it meant adding 1/2 a block walk (more or less) when heading to Walgreens or Brewitt branch library.

I also stopped using the front main gate due to both John and Chris. I doubt that either would break into my apartment when I am gone, but the fear is there ever since Chris tried to help Steve break into Victor's apartment. Plus John strikes me as a thief. Several arguments among Bill, Chris, John regarding one of them stealing from the other.

Now why does John feel he needs to see who is walking past his windows? Only people that would be are his neighbors. It took me a long time to realize the reason Chris would step out of his apartment most every time I went to check my mail or leave premises via that center gate was because he was watching me. More on that later.

Now that my dog phobia is in full bloom, I have taken to using street side gate rather than alley gate. Puck John. Though I generally check the clock ~ before 11AM, feel safe leaving; only Tweety would see me. Arriving home, not that much of an issue. My mind busy planning what I will say if he sees me and opens his door.

As his sidewalk storage grew, I became more irritated, even though there was a foot or two of sidewalk for me to walk by it to open the gate. It adds up. The day he had his cart direct center of building/fence, so that there was not room to walk by it without moving it; Tweety's soiled sanitary napkins laying on bottom of cart for a month; more trash bags and then the aluminum foil blown off what it was covering, completely blocking the sidewalk entrance/exit gate.

I am glad David made him remove the stuff. Small victory.

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