Tuesday, February 28, 2012


The yelling started at 12:19AM followed by noise. My brain saw John attack Tweety, like shoving her against the wall. I guess my brain translates noises into images; instant visualization, for actually, I did not see this happen; can not see through walls. Plus I was lying down eyes closed. I must have opened my eyes, lifted my head to check the time; body geared to get up and call police, but the sudden outburst stopped as quickly as it started ~ no major battle. I made note of the time, planning to complain to Mr. Manager.

I had earplugs in ears, pillow over head; thank you (again) John and Tweety television volume upped. Did I mention the beer cans in the trash on John's cart? Alcohol impairs hearing, hence drunks talk louder and raise volumes.

I woke again at 12:40AM, needing to empty bladder. Seems I just did that. I was so very tired, hard to get up, the TV annoying me, I picked up broom and did some floor pounds ~ trying to thump, thump, thump around the apartment. Payback. No wonder I was wishing for rain to give John's laundry a good soaking.

Problem is, I am not sure if there was any yelling. I woke from an upsetting dream about John; gone from memory; forgot I had one, until I started typing this. At the moment, 9:31PM, I am listening to Chris' coughing. A little bit ago I was also listening to someone's TV or stereo. I got up, annoyed, checked out window ~ odd, Chris' door is closed. I guess I am grateful for that, else it would be so much louder.

Also a little bit ago, I was surprised that it was 10:49PM according to computer time. Later I was surprised that it was only a bit past 9PM. I can not call that an hallucination, just eyes playing tricks on me. I keep forgetting to record: beer.

I kept smelling beer. I picked up wheat raisin bread I had gotten from food bank, sniffing, thinking it was the bread that smelled like beer. Not. Plus it would be hard to smell the bread in Great Room. Definitely another odor hallucination. The other odor was bubble gum. Plus I have been having those weird metallic sounding noises shortly after lying down to go to sleep. The one last night, not quite as loud as usual and sounding a little different.

Brain chemistry imbalance caused by constant state of agitation and sleep disturbances due to neighbors John and Chris. I also hear that strange clicking a half foot from my ear. I notice it happens when I am getting upset with the coughing or talking or drone of music or television.

I do not remember if I had any hallucinations while living on the streets. Nor do I remember being easily startled. I also can no longer remember voices in my head. I kind of miss those. Once in a while I do hear one, usually just someone saying my name. I think I am putting those there, like talking to myself, but different than when carrying on a conversation in my head. I guess it is accurate to say I put all the voices in (or outside of) my head ~ not knowing it was my vivid imagination and slight psychosis at play.

When I woke this morning or at 12:40AM, or some other bladder emptying awakening, I began to question if I actually heard a quick violent spat coming from John's apartment. It sure seemed real; but perhaps a first dream, not the one I no longer remember.

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