Monday, December 12, 2011

Voices in my head

Can not say I have been hearing voices in my head, more like thoughts that come unbidden to mind. They are not thoughts, like right now, thinking upon what I am doing, nor thoughts like when noticing how beautiful a tree looks, just random, passing words moving through my mind.

Cranberry, cranberry, cranberry. 'Nuff said? As mentioned, it is the season, yet why not, turkey? As I was walking the other day  (perhaps the day I am dating this post) and the night before, cranberry was followed by crossroads. Ah, makes sense, Cranberry Crossroads. Without looking it up I will say, in South Brunswick, New Jersey. May be East Brunswick (makes more sense, now I must look it up) or Miltown. Will get back to that thought.

I had a sad longing to be back there driving all those roads I used to know like the back of my hands. I do not miss living in New Jersey, just seeing all those places I was once so familiar with. Of course, those old places have changed so much, that even if I could go back and drive around, I would likely not recognize anything and equally likely to get lost.

"First shooting star" shows up in my mind first thing in morning as I am fixing my instant coffee and I am instantly transported back to 2002, standing in front of laundromat with Jeff who said "my first shooting star". Looking back, I would say: yeah, right. But on that night, I believed he had never seen one in his entire life. Of course, the words brought my mind to a place I did not want it to go. Past is over, buried deep, all yesterday's there, let them sleep. He probably does not even remember saying that or seeing it, which irritates me. How silly.

A nephew posts on his Facebook status update: in God's hands. My first impulse was to ask if his grandparents were okay, or what was wrong. Cranberry Crossroads, South Brunswick, in God's hands, something must be wrong. An hour or so later, I realized, duh, both of his maternal grandparents are gone from this world. How could I forget that fact?

Someone commented on his post: Mr.Tebow.  Ah, a clue. Outcome of football game resting in God's hands. I did not know the kid liked football. Yes, his dad is a sporty kind of guy, more the New York Yankees, basketball and beach volley ball, than football fan, or so I thought. Not that kids interests exactly mirror parents.

Cranberry, cranberry, cranberry, many days in a row, at different times of day, ambiguous status update has me assuming the worse.

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