Friday, June 10, 2011

Goofed Again

Do not know if this is an after-affect of homelessness, due to mental health issues, or age: I am barely functional.

I consider doing a before and after series of posts. Before, on a day like today, I would be at the beach, not sitting inside this dark, dreary apartment, typing this ~ hours after I woke, same number of hours I have been on Internet. Before, would have showered, dressed, ate something, like oatmeal or toast with cinnamon. At the beach, I would have my lunch, usually a pasta salad or a snack, such as nuts or pretzels. Today, so far, I had a hot dog roll with margarine.

Today, June 14th, I am still not dressed, teeth nor hair brushed. Even face not washed. Before, I never missed a daily shower. Some days, took two or three. Or took a shower in morning and aromatic, bubble bath soak at night or later in the day, when cold or gloomy outside.

Today, June 10th, I did not call my oldest daughter, Dawn to wish her a happy birthday. I had to force self to call on the 11th. I goofed again; did not get a greeting card in the mail, and forget sending a gift via online website. Before, greeting cards were sent well in advance to assure they would arrive on the day of the event. I never missed gifting my son and daughters, even at the poorest of financial times ~ the gift might be a cheap something, but it would be a meaningful cheap something.

On Dawn's 21st birthday, I gave her 21 gifts, being unable to afford something worthy of the milestone. I wrapped everything separately so she had 21 things to unwrap, be it a Reese's Peanut Butter cup or Kiwi fruit. I am sure one of those gifts was a bottle of wine.

Sigh. Will be seeing Dawn for the first time in four or five years. She was out here on a business trip; do not recall when. I left the east coast in August 2006. Have not seen family since that time. For an unknown reason Dawn stopped calling me. I noticed it a year ago. I decided not to call her after not hearing from her for three or four weeks, just to see how long it would be before she called me. I cried uncle first, calling her. I do not know how long it has been since she called me. Got a text message on Mother's Day. No Easter call.

Before, no celebration went by when I did not talk to both Dawn and Lori. Chris, too, if he was home when I called him. He does not call or send cards. Used to talk to Lori almost as much as I talked to Dawn. She called less often, usually when having problems, but I was sure to call her.

I stopped calling weekly when I realized that Lori did not pick up her phone when I called. How insulting.

It is very sad to me, not being in contact with the three most important people in my life. It will be weird to see Dawn. She said she is spending all day Friday with me; does not know what her husband, Mike is doing ~ off to visit his friends, I imagine.

His step-father is remarrying; wedding on Saturday and reason for their California visit. When Dawn and Mike still lived in Long Beach, the three of us often spent a weekend afternoon together. Happy memories, skating or hanging at a park. Times change.

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