Hypervigilance

Did not finish posting the stuff I found after seeking info on friend's new heart medication. She was taken off the medication, due to an infection, causing her to be re-admitted to hospital. Her friend who had a heart transplant, got to meet her for the first time today. D is out of isolation and T was able to visit her in the Philly hospital. Okay, back to hypervigilance from Wikipedia. 


People suffering from hypervigilance may become preoccupied with studying their environment for possible threats, causing them to lose connections with their family and friends. They will 'over-react' to loud  or unexpected noises; become agitated in highly crowded or noisy environments etc. They will often have a difficult time getting to sleep or staying asleep.


I have posted about a loud sneeze while sitting on bench at Burger King patio. And more recently: Boo!!! Someone shouted boo, again, last night or two nights ago. Days blend one into the other. Lots of noise outside, late in the evening. This boo came from closer to the entrance gate and I did not startle upon hearing it. I guess that is because it was not unexpected, mouths running, "Hey, Chris...", knocks on door, or slamming of same, mixed in with John's kitchen noise, or mouth noise while outside. 


Definitely have had periods where I had difficulty falling to sleep and also staying asleep. Seems to me I wrote about that already. Or was it writing in my head, never made it to 'paper'. 


Do not think I lost connections with family and friends. Do remember my youngest brother, Larry, being just like me. Way back when. Have to sit with back to wall, so we can see entrance to restaurant, as an example. We had to sit with our backs to a wall in a restaurant. (I wish this new Blogger editor would stop erasing what I just typed, or do other things, when I try to backspace or hit enter or use space bar. Getting on my nerves, trying to retype what I just wrote.) We sat in last row when seeing a movie. 

I knew why I did it. Had to be able to see ex-husband if he showed up and ready to run. It was irrelevant that he was highly unlikely to show up most places I went, but, what is the word I want, rigid? I was rigid? Adamant? I just had to, had to, sit in a corner, against a wall facing entrance. Had. To. Which was an issue when both Lar and I wanted to sit in the same chair against the wall. One of us (me, of course) was going to have to sit on the other side with back to the door.


Scanning environment for possible threats was a constant when homeless. Then again it was a constant when homed, working odd shifts. That was not mental, it was prudent to do so. Even during daylight hours, when in less savory neighborhoods. Living on the streets makes a person even more vulnerable to attacks, especially when sleeping. I am sure I was hyper-vigilant, the rustle of a Frito's bag would wake me from sleep. Someone told me about sleeping with eyes open and I learned to do that, not wide open, just lids slightly raised, seeing, yet falling to sleep at the same time. 

I do not think that was mental. I am not so vigilant now about scanning environments and have completely forgotten about my whatever it is called phobia? needing to sit with back against walls facing entrances. Can not say that I became highly agitated in noisy environments or at crowded places, but...